Get all 16 kyōto-me releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of SONIKK DETHH クリスマス MUZAKK, Vol. 4, Now and Then (or, The Cul-De-Sac), Celeste / Gessekai, SONIKK DETHH クリスマス MUZAKK, Vol. 3, Cathode Ray, Blinking Hell, SONIKK DETHH クリスマス MUZAKK, Vol. 2, Afterbirth & Abortion Suite, and 8 more.
1. |
Wendell
01:51
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Intro (Webster Shadden):
Hey buddy, um, I tried to call you on Skype... and... didn't get an answer. So I thought I'd try here, to see if I got an answer - but - I didn't *here* either. So anyway, um, it'd be nice to talk to ya if ya get a chance. Love you. Talk to you later. Bye.
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2. |
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Hey son, I've got somethin' I wanna share
I know you probably think I never really cared
(But I) Think your sister is a whiny little bitch
I'll teach her, (and) get off without a hitch
And if you think I don't love her you're an
Idiot I know I do
I show it to her every day and night
Even though she'll put up a fight
I love you both so much you're my children
And I would never try to harm you
Love you both so much
I love you both so much
I love you both so much
I love you both so much
America is where you wanna be
Land of the drunk; where the wives get beat
Home of the brave who live among the streets
Come and live with me, it'll be my treat
And if you think I don't love you you're an
Idiot you know I do
I show it to you every day and night
Even though you'll put up a fight
I love you both so much you're my children
And I would never try to harm you
Love you both so much
I love you both so much
I love you both so much
I love you both so much
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3. |
Your Honor?
03:51
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A girl sits alone in a room and thinks to herself
Why me
Why am I always put on the shelf
Can't you see, you're killing me
A boy walks in and comforts her
Knows that she's his big sister
Loves her more than she will ever know
He worries every day, about if she's okay
If you could look at her scars
And not read her memoirs
I'll ask the jury again
Who is without sin?
Dad screams at her every other day
Says she can't hang with her friends; they're gay
I think it's ridiculous, but it's what we deal with
Happy loving christian family
I know that I've been real cruel to you
But you know I really love you too
Over time I have realized that
There is something in your eyes
It tells me not everything is okay
If you could look at her scars
And not read her memoirs
I'll ask the jury again
Who is without sin?
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4. |
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Guess what I heard on the news today
Mom 'n' Dad are breaking up and we're moving far away
It can't be true
I don't trust you anymore
I guess it's like a false sense of security
I thought that life would be alright for me
But then you lied
And told me everything'd be fine
Shut up
It's not true
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5. |
Paradigm Shift
05:25
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Sometimes
It feels like you don't care
You watch me, sit and stare
Thinkin' bout how it used to be
When I was happy
I know
I know you think you're right
I won't put up a fight
But I know you know what the
What the problem is
Ah, I know you too well
Ah, you think you're clever
Ah, you made my life hell
I thought you said, "Never"
You said
You said that we'd be fine
That there'd be no more crying
That we'd never move away
That we're here to stay
So then
Why'm I in England
Does this mean the end
Of my happiness, I guess
In happiness I'm dressed
Ah, I know you too well
Ah, you think you're clever
Ah, you made my life hell
I thought you said, "Never"
I sit here softly crying
Hoping to receive care
Inside I'm slowly dying
You act like you're not there
I'm still longingly sighing
I'll get out of your hair
There's no sense in us fighting
Cuz we'll never return there
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6. |
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Go away, go go away
You were never here to stay
We can't stand the way you play
Now it's time for us to betray (you)
We hate you
We'll bait you
We're not true
We hate you
Even when you're gone, we're still here
When you left no one shed a tear
We took advantage of your every fear
And you steered clear of your favorite peers
We hate you
We'll bait you
We're not true
We hate you
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7. |
How Ya Holdin' Up?
04:16
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I
Don't know why I try
Don't know why I bother
Anymore
It
Feels like I'm not here
Feels like I don't matter
To my peers
You don't know
Cuz I don't know
I wish I could tell you how I am
My
View is through a lens
In the third person
Cuz I'm gone
You
Don't make it better
Don't tell me my self worth
Worthless
You don't know
Cuz I don't show
I wish I could portray who I am
I've been this way for so long
But I know how I belong
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8. |
Cognitive Dissonance
05:05
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Let's take a look into the
Average human mind
What will we find?
Cognitive dissonance
I find it funny how
If I wanna be happy
It's not allowed
Cognitive dissonance
You'll be
Met with resistance
I guess that's just how this stuff goes
Although these laws seem rather old
Why must I reap what they have sewn
I think I'd rather be alone
I'd kill to spend some time with
Those who think that this should be a crime (to invoke)
Cognitive Dissonance
Let's show 'em who we are
I don't care if we get far we'll give 'em
Cognitive Dissonance
We'll be
Met with resistance
I guess that's just how this stuff goes
Although these laws seem rather old
Why must I reap what they have sewn
I think I'd rather be alone
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9. |
Déjà Vu
04:39
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She brushed her messy pink bangs out of her face, and kneeled at the table. "There's powders waiting there for you", they said. She rolled up a slick 50 and placed the bill up her right nostril, closing the other manually with her hand. She lowered her head and snorted a line. The immediate numbness that hit her - that feeling of instant bliss - she knew it and loved it all too well.
Another line; the downward spiral
Another line; the dizzy panic
Another line; you'll feel better soon
Another line; gone
Blood dripped from her nose as the atmosphere of the party quickly turned from euphoric to horrifying. She collapsed on the table, drooling, smiling giggling to herself. A white light gazed at her - the infinite beyond, the heavens above. Her friends crowded her, gawking at the fact that they were watching someone die before them.
She did not care.
Nothing matters. Nothing's the matter.
Nobody will be mine for long.
Might as well die.
I don't care anymore.
That's all; I don't care.
This is all there is.
Don't leave. You'll leave.
You'll all leave.
Everyone leaves eventually. Everyone lives eventually.
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10. |
Nice to Dream, Isn't It?
03:20
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Nice to dream, isn't it?
No life's not that shit
You're just stuck in that pit
So shut the fuck up, you little shit
You don't care for the world
Nor about that stupid girl
Pushed away all your friends
Now you think it's the end
Well why don't you take a minute, to look at yourself?
The fuck is this supposed to be, a cry for help?
Why do you insist on hurting me?
All I want for you is to be happy.
Son I want you to know
I was completely wrong
In sadness, I wallow
That's cuz soon, I'll be gone
Make sure you're real sad
Think of what we could've had
Everything is going bad
You're losing your first dad
My shits fucked up real bad son,
Don't you know that?
This fucked up ole heart of mine
Needs fixin' stat
I've been takin' drugs a lot son
They'll help, they will
They've been in my life so long
I doubt they'll kill
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11. |
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Son, I heard you're playing the guitar
I know that you're gonna go real far
I can't wait for you to play with me
I love you, you know that... can't you see?
But I've heard that you're havin' a hard time
In college I know I did
When I was your age I thought that I might be
Gay even though I wasn't
You see I need you to tell me if you think
That you are the same as me
I'd hate you all the same
I'd hate you all the same
I'd hate you all the same
I'd hate you all the same, and
You would not want to disappoint me
I know it's cuz I'm your father
You know that I would disown you if you
Ever tried to be a her
I know that you'd never lie to me
From what I've heard from your mother you're
Such a disappointment
Such a disappointment
Such a disappointment
Such a disappointment
Son, I know you think you might be gay
I heard it from your mom the other day
I'm here to say I think that it's okay
No matter what, you know I'm here to stay
But I've heard that you're havin' a hard time
In college I know I did
When I was your age I thought that I might be
Gay even though I wasn't
You see I need you to tell me if you think
That you are the same as me
I'd hate you all the same
I'd hate you all the same
I'd hate you all the same
I'd hate you all the same, and
You would not want to disappoint me
I know it's cuz I'm your father
You know that I would disown you if you
Ever tried to be a her
I know that you'd never lie to me
From what I've heard from your mother you're
Such a disappointment
Such a disappointment
Such a disappointment
Such a disappointment
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12. |
thanks, facebook
00:48
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13. |
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Hello how do you do sir?
Fuck off I don't care
I'm trying to be polite
But you've left me in despair
I don't know but I've been told that
It's quite au contraire
I don't care for your stupid greetings
Now get out of my hair
This life is too much for me
Goodbye everyone
My antisocial tendencies
Have made my life no fun
I'm going to kill myself
That's my secret plan
Though I doubt you even care
And I doubt you understand
'Cuz now
Daddy's Dead.
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14. |
bye
02:16
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Goodbye to my life
Surprised that I'd die
You say you'll help me
"Unless you choose me"
So sad that she died
You're not allowed to cry
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15. |
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(Paraphrased, a journal entry.)
when i first moved over i wanted to play imaginary games like i had back in america, but all of the local youth thought it was fucking stupid and i just felt so god damn alienated. my mom wanted me to go to public school but i cried my eyes out enough that she home-schooled me. for a few years, i was home-schooled, and isolated socially. that was from 12-14. then, at 14, i started going to college. that's when things did pick up a bit. i got some good friends like my boy matt, and we were all pretty tight. i also started to play guitar around that point and things were picking up quite a bit. i was also destined to go see my dad that summer. shit was gonna be fuckin great. i actually thought life was gonna be okay.
haha.
july 14th, 2016. 9:15AM EST. my dad dies of a heart attack.
oh boy. yeah, what a fuckin blow that was. since then i just.... nothing has felt right. nothing. it feels like my life is passing before my eyes. which, it always has been, but i feel like i'm not in control of it. my view is through a lens, it's like i'm in the third person. idk how to fix it. therapy wouldn't work. anti depressants haven't worked either. nothing will bring back my dad. i will never see him again. i will never converse with him again. i will never feel the warm embrace of one of his "bear hugs". i'll never hear him call me pumpkin again, his nickname for me. i will never hear him call me "son" again. i will never get to show him how my guitar playing has progressed. i will never be able to share my favourite bands with him again. i will never be able to get music recommendations from him again. i will never, ever, for the rest of the days i live, hear him say "i love you" again. he is gone. completely gone. and the worst part is, over time my memories with him will start to fade. do you wanna know something? i haven't been able to properly cry since he died. i mean i've had little cries here and there while listening to radiohead and shit, but i haven't sobbed or moaned or anything since he died.
by the way, that same year my grandmother died and i felt nothing. nothing at all. my girlfriend left me the following year, and shit only got worse.
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kyōto-me Aurora, Colorado
kyōto-me is a collaborative project between multi-instrumentalists Alexis Bishop and Evangeline Shadden. Formed in the spring of 2018, kyōto-me have been working together to produce tracks based around genres such as Noise, Experimental Rock and Shoegaze. ... more
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