Get all 16 kyōto-me releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of SONIKK DETHH クリスマス MUZAKK, Vol. 4, Now and Then (or, The Cul-De-Sac), Celeste / Gessekai, SONIKK DETHH クリスマス MUZAKK, Vol. 3, Cathode Ray, Blinking Hell, SONIKK DETHH クリスマス MUZAKK, Vol. 2, Afterbirth & Abortion Suite, and 8 more.
1. |
Jane
02:21
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(Intro: Oh Rigby, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just not going to work.)
A face as pale as snow
From staying in
Our love begins and ends at this one truth
Jane
I know I’m a pain
And yet you love me all the same
But heaven’s gates
Are calling my name, my dear
I don’t have much time left upon this life I fear
A face as pale as snow
From telling me
Harsh reality of our broken love
Jane
You’re moving to Spain
Just as soon as love I did proclaim
And so I sing
This song for you baby,
I understand your reasoning but
It’s so hard with you leaving my love
I hope you understand my
Sudden disappearance
No more perseverance left in me
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2. |
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Alone Again, I am
Alone Again
I sunk the ship and burned the bridge
And Now I sit
Alone Again
Please take me away
Oh lord, please take me away
I can’t bear the weight of my gestalt sins
And here’s my fall
Oh lord, please take me away
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3. |
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The dead spider in the corner of the room;
A perfect reflection of inner desires
I wish I had kind eyes
A pretty face
A happy smile
No bags, insomniac
I wish I wasn’t fat
I wish I wasn’t thin
I wish I had a pussy
I wish I didn’t live
Sealed to the torturous fate of living
Confined within perception
The mirror hates you, too
Never anything, clinging to the nihilistic notion of universal death
Everyone, everything
Always never anything
Stick it in, pull it out
Nothing, mechanic
Depression, self-doubt.
I don’t wanna be a boy no more,
And the doctor says he’s gotta pill
I don’t wanna be a boy no more
And I’ve been told my nips’ll feel
I don’t wanna be a boy no more
And the change is seeming much more real
I don’t wanna be a boy no more
And upon my chest shall form two hills
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4. |
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My existence is entirely nothing
And everything simultaneously
Cuz nothing matters until you
Put meaning behind it
Adoption into a nihilistic creed
Do you feel lonely?
Laying yr head in the same bed
Every night to sleep
All alone, dreaming of the girl
Who’ll come to sweep you off your feet well
She’ll never come
She never comes
She’ll never come
She never cums to you
To you
If nothing matters then
Why do you hate yrself for the things you do
Everyone regrets their actions
And no-one else is lookin’ back at you
Yet yr alone as before
Smokin’ dope on yr bedroom floor
Revolution knocks on the door
Rebirth of yourself
But bras seem like a chore
She’s gonna come
She’s on her way
She’ll be there soon
A lucky day, for you
For you
For you
For you
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5. |
Endless Fantasy
04:38
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Slits on my legs covered up
By my thigh high socks (Unless you’re into that sort of thing)
Income and salary based
On being tied in knots (And I’ve never been one for yoga, so y’know)
Down the alleys in the town
They all say life’s tumbling down but
I know what I’m doing mom,
I know what I’m doing dad.
I’ve got the charm
Validation
Endless fantasy
On display for you to see
(I thought candles were used for ceremonies-- ah!)
It’s honest work
It’s nothing more
I love myself
I’m living poor
I gave it up
No going back
Glass stays half full from
Injecting smack
Give a fuck about the blue bird mob
The N.R.O., pigs or dogs
Burdened driftwood cross is waterlogged
Golden showers and thick brain fog
This brand-new life seems fit for me
Just one endless party
I can live off pills like ecstasy
(Don’t get no R.E.S.P.E.C.T.)
Blazing trails with what’s between my legs
(They aren’t gay, they’ll call you she)
And for forgiveness to my God I’ll beg
(But junkie broads won’t get his sympathy)
I’ve seen him pay
Comes once a day
Shares an archangel’s name
Preacher man has got it made.
My back is broke
Can’t bend which way
I hate myself
Another lay
Face stuck at blank
Call me a skank
My rhapsody
Becomes their prey
I can feel the jaws swallowing me up
A steady build and now I just give fucks
The teeth are sharp and the flames are hot
I push my boulder up the hill but it, but it
All comes tumbling down
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6. |
Afterbirth
05:56
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Tell me, can you picture the moment you’ll die?
Are you going to die?
And will it be any time soon, or,
Do you want to continue living?
When you stare at the mirror after shoegazing the scale beneath you, how much of the weight is guilt?
How much of your daily burden comes from what you did to me?
Do, or did, you enjoy gazing upon my scarred, cut and bruised body, bleeding on the bedding?
Do you want me to continue living, in an existence you deem so pathetic?
Should I cuddle up on cold steel and wait for the blaring light?
I’ll do anything for you,
My darling.
I’ll do anything.
Do you want me to wear stilettos and latex, and cane you until from your scars a red sea seeps?
Do you wish for me to relieve myself upon your chest?
Do you wish to throttle my throat until I’ve, through great effort and pain, sucked down my last breath?
I know that your devotion to the goddess who stands before you is undying.
So I’ll do anything for you,
My darling.
I’ll do anything.
You made this,
God,
You made this.
Formed in your hands.
Formed in your hands.
Formed in your hands.
Formed, in your workshop, with your tools, in your hands.
Creazione di Avalyn.
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7. |
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Oh princess, yr beautiful, its true
It's what they’re taught to say to you
While picking up from greasy fucks,
How to subtly stare at your buttocks
Dropping pens, or maybe soap,
Getting friendly with masks and rope,
You’ll never be taught the right way to cope
But at least you’ll dominate some cucks
Squeeze yr dick
Like I’m wrestling toothpaste out of it’s tube
The warmth between warmths,
Veins between fats,
Bite and draw blood
Use the aftermath as lube
This is how we like it
How you say we like it
And I’ll listen
And I’m clay
And I’m nothing
If not for play
And I’m easy
And I’m kind
And I’ll let you
Beat me blind
Until I’m
On the cobbles, smiling
With blood between my teeth
And leather strapped across my chest
From your wife, bequeathed.
I need to be your dog,
Or that’s what you told me, anyway
And who am I to ask
What it means to be led astray
This is how we like it
How you say we like it
In no position to question
In position to showcase
My assets
To facilitate my sale
To the fuck, exuding luck
In his milky, pervy eyes
But I’ll listen
I’ll be clay
It’s why they call me
Pay and display
I’ll be easy
I’ll be kind
I’ll let him take me
From behind
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8. |
Avalyn & Fawn
02:13
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“Ah, the feelings,
The fleeting moments when our eyes meet,
A light touch of my pinky, curling around yours
A subtle increase of palpitations -
My God, Fawn,
Sparks fly,
And the ashes of past trauma’s shadows,
Are blown away by the kisses you plant upon my body,
Showing me a wholesome love I could never prior comprehend,
But,
My ache, my itch, my hunger
All gnaw at what’s left of the mind,
Trying to pay it no mind feels…
… It’s not fair.
I wish sifting your hair betwixt my fingers,
Quivering as you rapture me to cosmic bliss,
Was an ample substitute for a needle in my arm.
And I fear, Fawn,
If you unearth me,
I’ll become a street-rat once more.
I don’t want this to end,
But my prophecy is again fulfilling
And like a hedgehog, my spines will soon tarnish and sully,
Any hint of positive reputation that resided in your mind.
And I’ll be
Alone again.”
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9. |
Cause Célèbre
04:03
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You know
I don’t do this sorta thing usually
But it’s been real hard
I said I’d make a start
The holes
And the scars littered on my arms
Are getting way too tight
Just one more fix’ll make it right will make it…
He said
He said you’re changing way too much
I don’t know who you are
I don’t know who you’re becoming and I’m really scared
And I’m really scared
Baby,
He could smell it on my breath
Not even the worst thing that I’ve done
Or the worst thing I’m gonna do if I find out he knows
Oh lord he knows
Oh god he knows
Nodding out
Once again on yr couch
You always let this happen
You never make me leave
And now
I can see through your shit
Mr. oh-so-supportive
It’s all make believe
So
Here I am once again
Putting on a skirt and mascara
Spreading wide open
Ah…
It’ll be over soon
Just let it happen
Let it happen
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10. |
Speculum (Femina)
09:59
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I saw that bitch with the same look in her eyes,
Tired, defeated, at the end of her wits,
She stares me up and down, judging my style,
Then her eyebrows raise as she metaphorically spits,
“You’re nothing”, she says, and I say it back,
Seems we’re in agreement though I hate her so,
Nails, hair, clothes all black
And the fringe covering her eyes just seems to show,
The lack of caring, the lack of strife,
The lack of meaning within her life,
Her hatred of self, the burden we’ve sowed
The mirror acting as my true self’s window
It’s not that I love you,
I covet your dress
Your heart-warming smiles
And small perky breasts
For no I am not
Who I want to be
Nothing can change
What the mirror shows me
I find,
comfort,
I find,
warmth
In my bloodstained bathtub
It’s my idea, it’s my mind
I see no qualms, not an issue
I am the fool who isolates myself
Upon my mountain of lies
It’s my life and I’ll die if I want to
And my voidgaze, and my heavy rings
Tell me which way I face when the music blares
I bare the scars and I tell the stories
My temple once considered too sacred to maim
But the arctic sweats I get when I see the looking glass
Prove that ironic a notion
It’s my tale and I’ll cry if I want to
And my snapshots of all temporal fleets
Anchor me to the bottom of a tear-filled lake with no gills
Stucco shoes
Heavy chains
Smile severed
Mirror cracked
Why am I like this
Why am I like this
I try to stop I beat my head
I’ll try to stop until I’m dead
Why am I like this
Why am I like this
I show myself to the world
I show myself as a girl
Why am I like this
Why am I like this
Stupid questions in dumb songs
Rhetorics, pretentious and where the fuck do you get off
But I still ask you, oh you,
Why am I like this
I have a vision and you’re not wrong
I do have a vision you’re not wrong
But my vision is gross and it is wrong
And I hate myself and my thoughts are wrong
I can’t embalm a smirk
I don’t have the means
And the pictures you’ll take
The places you’ll be
Will prove nothing again and again
And again and again and again
And again and again and again
(Break: Do you want to hear my fantasy? Worms pour out of my mouth and locusts swarm my skin. Maggots pour out of my intestines. Not even the bones are left; all picked dry; every piece used within an inch of its life. I am irreparable. I am nothing anymore. Earth will love me. I provide for the mother. And I am gone. This is the crux of my humanity, as I know it, and as I am perceived within my mind.)
Who am I talking to
Who am I talking to
Who can I talk to
Who can I talk to
Who am I talking to (When knives)
Who am I talking to (Press soft into soil)
Who can I talk to (I see you leave)
Who can I talk to (The flowerbed)
Who am I talking to (Love you, love you)
Who am I talking to (Nobody ever did)
Who can I talk to (Desolate)
Who can I talk to (Blood on your hands)
Why am I like this
Why am I like this
I try to stop I beat my head
I’ll try to stop until I’m dead
Why am I like this
Why am I like this
I show myself to the world
I show myself as a girl
Why am I like this
Why am I like this
Stupid questions in dumb songs
Rhetorics are pretentious, where do you get off
Who am I talking to
Who am I talking to
Who can I talk to
Who can I talk to
Who am I talking to (When knives)
Who am I talking to (Press soft into soil)
Who can I talk to (I see you leave)
Who can I talk to (The flowerbed)
Who am I talking to (Love you, love you)
Who am I talking to (Nobody ever did)
Who can I talk to (Desolate)
Who can I talk to (Blood on your hands)
Who am I talking to
Who am I talking to
Why am I like this
Why am I like this
I try to stop I beat my head
I’ll try to stop until I’m dead
Why am I like this
Why am I like this
I show myself to the world
I show myself as a girl
Why am I like this
Why am I like this
Stupid questions in dumb songs
Rhetorics are pretentious, where do you get off
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11. |
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(Intro: Avalyn, didn't you hear the news?)
Hark, I hear
It would appear
A beggar with a knife
Has taken a life
Goodbye, my love
I saw the dove
It flew above
Where I first met you
That street,
Near Mike’s alley
I know
You’re gone
Oh god, dear Fawn
I can’t believe this is happening
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12. |
Do You Wanna Buy Me?
02:58
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Mitigating the end,
By use of one’s own terms,
As my mortal coil begins to snap,
As the gallows call out,
As his shadow looms,
That disgusting reflection,
The subtle becoming,
That crept under my skin,
An unscratchable itch,
Insatiable hatred,
Finally ending,
Through accidental mistakes in bootleg acupuncture.
And the golden gates shine,
And the angels sing,
As I am at peace
Taken under God’s wing
Until I’m pulled back
Through mankind’s plan,
To keep me in hell
As long as they can.
Oh, I wanna go back.
And I feel so worthless,
So I ask,
Do you wanna buy me?
Name my price,
And no matter the amount,
Unless your hands are empty,
You’re mistaken.
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13. |
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Neo Bible:
Notions of Perfection are society’s greatest downfall.
Those you idolize and place so highly within your regiment of perfect peoples
Are viewed as cannon fodder for the blue bird mobs; another story.
Corporate character assassinations. Livelihoods taken for granted.
Followed by lives taken in exchange for attention and hierarchical ladder climbing.
You’re not much better. But you tell yourself you are, by smashing your
Genuine Leather Doc Martens
Against the skulls of those who slipped on the ice that froze overnight.
The water from which it formed, poured by journalists and broken hearts.
Line ‘em up,
Shoot them down.
Dye-cut heroes who
Change in seconds.
We’ll tell you who you love,
We’ll tell you when you’ll stop loving them,
And who to love next.
It’s easier that way.
And we know you love
Convenience
Most of all.
Your god who’d never take a fall.
Wouldn’t it be nicer,
If we installed a conveyor belt in front of your mouth?
A screen for each eye?
Megaphone for each ear?
You’re always moaning, how tired you are.
You’d never have to wake up.
Life could be a dream.
Life could be a dream.
Isn’t that your desire?
Life could be a dream.
So welcome to your new religion,
We saw that you left the door wide open,
A hole in your heart where hope once lay,
Half-filled by our lovely minimum wage,
You should be thankful, really.
You snot-nosed bastards always think there’s more going on.
Of course, but you’re too lazy to notice.
And that’s just how we like it.
How we say you’ll like it.
It’d be more convenient to sit idly by.
And let us tell you who to like.
And let us tell you what to like.
Get on your knees,
And your hands,
And arch your back,
And spread yourself wide,
And pray we don’t get angry.
Pray to your new God,
That tonight we gift unto you,
A lovely dream.
Life could be a dream.
Life could be a dream.
Isn’t that what you desire?
Life could be a dream.
Deuteronomy 31:6:
Retribution sought
The lord giveth and the lord taketh away
Retribution sought
For man
For woman
For all
For inbetween
For otherwise
Retribution sought
For thoughts and minds above
And our loved ones below
We find hope within self
And loss within gain
We sever the ties which bind
And we lose nothing but our chains
When God looks upon you and sees what he never intended to create
He angers
God will seek the path of rebirth
For with death comes rebirth
In the case of great minds and hearts which strive to decide what function they serve
And what function I serve
And what function you serve
And how they are to be performed
I feel you inside
I feel all
I feel all
And I feel nothing
I know nothing
For I am God
For I seek God
For I feel God
And I love you
And I love myself
And I hate all
And I hate God
The people which cross you on the street
And that cross your heart and hope to die
Will one day become one
One day become all
There is room in heaven for all
And all for one
With eyes in my head
I am blind
Christ hung on a cross not for you
Nor for sin
Nor for self
You are clean
All are clean
Jesus is man with no blood to waste
Seen in hellfire
And told of what is seen
Where you are is no good
Lest you move on from it
We seek Deuteronomy 31:6
Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you
All seek retribution
All feel retribution
Within mind
Within body
Within heart
Within self
The Martyr:
Show me a pair of beggars hand’s
And I’ll show you felled trees bearing useless wood
Whisper me a prayer from a beggar’s kids
And I’ll scream that their silence speaks a thousand words
You told me his eyes were rather kind
But he hadn’t a tooth in his subterfuge maw
Show me poor gore baking in a June’s noon
And I’ll show you street-cleaners doing his could-be work
Beard tangled as his mind
Like copper frayed wires, frilly loose ends
Spit on the yellow-brick disheveled further
A tattered hat, an unkempt tie
Bench bed blocked by bourgeois bankers
Who notice mawfoam and walk on by
Penny loafers clop against scorched-black stone
On which the sun helps your plebeian fry
Kick some soil (Avalyn)
Fashion a cross (Know he loved you)
With some sticks (Know he wouldn’t put you)
For this so-called loss (Through all of this)
Let me know (Know they won’t blame you)
When the funeral will be (For what you might do)
After you dry yr tears (For what might become of you)
We can meet (And for what he’ll do to you)
Just know
You’re nothing to me
Just know
You’ll be a maid, you’ll see
Just know
You’ll forget what it means
What it means
To be free
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14. |
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15. |
Everything Wilts
02:30
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Life is what you make it said my near death experience
Life means nothing if I can’t have you
Or so I told myself for the past 4 years I’ve lived
Without you
I told myself if you ever left I’d end it all and embrace death
But I stick around just to reminisce about our sex, or our first kiss
It’s bad for me, and I know that but you cross my mind so damn often
Captured memories, when we both believed it would last and I can’t help but wonder
If you do the same
Why would you do the same
I wish I was attractive enough for you
It’s not enough
It’s not enough
I know we’re different people but it still hurts so much
The self-hatred
The isolation
Everything wilts
Everything wilts
And unlike nature, is buried;
Will never bloom again
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16. |
In Heaven (Interlude)
04:34
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Intro: God loves you, Michael, and if He loves me too, He’ll let us both live in Zion when we pass away. Wouldn’t it be nice?
Outro: They promised us, Michael, life could be a dream.
Nice to dream, isn't it?
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17. |
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It's all too much
Cause just the other day
I tried to run away
It's all too much
Cause when I hear you say,
"I love you, please don't go away"
I just wanna
It's all too much
Yr masqueraded love
Is now completely fucked
It's all too much
You know I didn't want it
Didn't need it
And did it anyway
I bought the rope
I’ve got the rope
I bought the rope
I’ve lost all hope
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18. |
Tod Sex
09:31
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Sex and Death
Death and Sex
That is all there is to life
Yet you, high and mighty,
Look to me with disdain,
When I plot my suicide,
When I watch adult films.
You enter life,
You enter another’s life,
Your life ends.
The book is closed,
And I closed it,
I couldn’t bear reading further.
Yet you, upon your ivory throne,
Look beyond me with disgust,
At my gestalt sins,
At my DIY crucifix.
I started reading,
But the characters just didn’t resonate,
So I closed the book.
And with a loud slam,
Like that of a chair hitting a hard-wood floor,
It was closed,
There was silence,
And peace.
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19. |
The Maid (Abortion)
26:13
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I can't continue.
I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.
Not everybody is, that's the problem.
I remember it, childhood. And innocence.
Unknowing.
Innocence can be corrupted.
Especially by sexuality.
And that's disgusting. And I'm disgusting. And he's disgusting. And you're disgusting. And everybody is disgusting, because sexuality exists.
And all I am is a sexual object. I exist, in this physical plain, as an object used for sex.
And that won't change.
And I can tell myself that it will, but the truth is it won't. Because the damage is irreversible.
I can't live happy. Not like this.
I can't.
The damage is done. And when the damage is done, and it's done this bad, the scars never wear off.
And when the scars don't wear off, and when your mind doesn't work properly, and you can barely let a single word depart from your lips in fear of being hit, or raped, or scarred further with the knife,
What's the point?
When every waking moment is fear,
When every word could be your last,
When it doesn't bother you that every word could be your last,
When the only arousal, pleasure or dopamine release you get is from the thought of a release from the hell that you live in,
That I live in,
I ask you.
What is the point?
When I sit inside with the curtains drawn,
Because the sun shines on the scars covering my arms,
When my own body serves as a grim reminder for my depression,
When my face looks dead already,
There is no point.
There is nothing left for me.
I'm sorry I can't clean the house anymore.
I'm sorry I can't please you anymore.
I'm sorry I couldn't hold on longer.
I can't say I love you because I don't remember what love is.
There is no release.
There is no end other than this.
There is no way out other than this.
I'm sorry.
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kyōto-me Aurora, Colorado
kyōto-me is a collaborative project between multi-instrumentalists Alexis Bishop and Evangeline Shadden. Formed in the spring of 2018, kyōto-me have been working together to produce tracks based around genres such as Noise, Experimental Rock and Shoegaze. ... more
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